Not Your Average Beauty Blog Post

Hi ladies, how are you?  I’m saying “ladies” because with a title with the word “beauty” at its center, it’s likely that there aren’t any guys reading this.  But, who knows, there could be.  So.  For you random men checking in, perhaps you’ll stick around until the end of this blog post and gain some insight into the psyche of your wife/girlfriend/fiance/adult daughter.

Beauty is one of those polarizing, controversial topics these days.  It’s something that women, that people, aren’t supposed to care about anymore, but one glance at YouTube, Etsy, Pinterest, the check-out line at your local supermarket or pharmacy, the plethora of products on the shelves at Ulta and Sephora tells you that we still REALLY do.  Not only do we care about beauty, we worship it, we strive and spend to prolong it as long as possible.

Yet we aren’t supposed to discuss it.  Women are not supposed to care about or comment upon the beauty they see in another woman, lest it portray them as petty or competitive or insecure.  Men dare not admire or remark upon a woman’s beauty, lest they be labeled lascivious, patriarchal or shallow.  Women are privately maligned or criticized for either not doing enough with their looks, or for paying them too much attention.  And this is one area that all women eventually migrate to in their focus, regardless of their age, ethnicity, career path, religious affiliation, economic status, political preference.

One has to ask WHY that is?  Well, as a woman who believes very strongly in a loving and wise Creator, I think one reason is because God enjoys beauty.  I think it brought (and brings) Him great joy to see the beauty in His creation–in the hues of the sunrise and sunset; the intricate design of each snowflake falling from the sky, of each sand-dollar washed onto the beach; the colors of the trees across a mountainside in the Fall; the regal feathers of the peacock; the patchwork of fields and swirl of mountaintops beneath you when you’re flying in an airplane; the sinewy body of a wild horse, and in the people He has made to carry His image.

Now, this is the part where I usually include some scripture that backs up my opinion.  But this time, I actually couldn’t find anything in the Bible to support my theory that God loves beauty.  I only believe that He does because of what I’ve observed in nature and in my opinion that the design of the human form is inherently beautiful because it reflects the image of God.

If we look carefully, we can see God’s intention in His creation of beautiful things, and the deliberate omission of attention to beauty throughout scripture.  In avoiding the topic, He is making a point: beauty is all around us and is a marker of His glory, it deserves our admiration as it points us back to Him.  But it is not to be worshiped, idolized, or to become our obsession or place of value.  Conversely, it is also foolish for us to pretend that beauty has no place in society when God himself invented the concept.

But we’ve cheapened it.  I’ve cheapened it.  And in doing so, we’re hearkening back to the very thing that got Satan in trouble and bought him a one-way ticket out of Heaven in the first place.  He saw that he was beautiful and he began to worship his beauty, to identify with it and to imbue it with a false power. (Ezekiel 28: 12-19)

And when I read every scripture passage about beauty since the fall of Lucifer, I see a warning.  I see warnings about the focus we place on beauty, the time we spend praising it, seeking it, desiring it, then mourning its loss, denying it, vilifying it, pretending it doesn’t exist.  The warning is repeated throughout scripture, because whether we paint beauty in a positive or negative light, the space and attention it gets in our female minds is space and attention that we are not giving our beautiful Lord.  So that’s another reason I think that we all tend to hone in on beauty–because the enemy tends to use it as a distraction to turn our praise away from the Creator.

And listen, I am guilty of this.  It’s why I’m writing this post, and it is not easy for me to be vulnerable about this topic.  Vanity is a true struggle for me–there, I admitted it.  There are parts of my body that I’ve been proud to have throughout my life.  There are parts of my body that have been the source of much complaining, that I’ve wished weren’t there.  And in recent years I’ve begun to see a change in the physical attributes of mine that I would call “strengths.”  And the change has not been welcome.  As this year marked my 41st trip around the sun, I am seeing the orbital pull on my skin–that it is not as tight, taut, smooth or spot-free as it once was.  My hair is not as thick.  My muscle takes longer to tone and more easily hides behind fat.  My nails are becoming more brittle and my stamina is flagging.  When I was in my teens, 20s and early 30s, I think I secretly believed that I would never show signs of aging.  The realization that it really is happening to me, that the appearance that I have become so familiar with and grown to appreciate is wavering and fading, is a pivotal point.

Here is where I, and many women, grapple.  Here is where I begin to understand the message that Paul preaches about contentment in Philippians 4:10-13.  The world would try to persuade me to prolong my youth, to not let my beauty suffer because of aging.  It pushes medical creams, organic serums, and various aesthetic treatments to try to sell me the lie that I can retain my youth, that I can improve upon something God has designed according to His will.  It turns something God inhibits in Himself into a sinful distraction of discontentment.  (And you can hear that the world also tries to convince us that beauty means youth, not maturity).  But, my choice and my challenge is to listen instead to the Lord, whose message, although I struggle to accept it, is that I’m still imaging Him as I age, in my peaceful acceptance of the order of His design.  The gradual loss of young beauty reveals the condition of my heart and the strength of my identity in Christ.

I did not write this blog post to fish for compliments.  I wrote it to acknowledge the question that every woman asks, either out loud or to herself: “am I beautiful?”  And to answer this question and close this blog post, I think it’s worth our time to turn our attention to the creation story in Genesis chapter 1.  When God created Adam and Eve, the crown jewel of His creation, they were described in this way:

“So, God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them…God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.” (Genesis 1: 27, 31).

That should be enough, for you and for me.  To carry the honor of imaging God in exactly how He made us, knowing that when He sees us, He thinks that we are very good.  We carry His creative fingerprint in the gender that He has assigned to us, the hair we have, the tone of our skin, the sound of our voice, and the natural changes that occur in our bodies as we grow.   To try to downplay or exceed His work is an act of rebellion itself, yet enjoying and appreciating how He has crafted us is an act of praise.

So yes, ladies, you are beautiful because you were beautifully made.   Rest in that fact, but when you begin to doubt, trust the One who made you to reassure you of the wonderful beauty that He sees in you when it seems that the world has turned its gaze to lesser things.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (Psalm 139:14

 

 

 

 

Boudoir: Being a Centerfold For Your Husband (And Yourself)

A few months ago I started to think about what to do for Bryan for Valentine’s Day.  Bryan and I both like to be creative when it comes to gift giving, and we don’t believe in NOT making a big deal about our anniversary, our birthdays or Valentine’s Day.  These are all occasions that we love to celebrate.  There have been a few times that circumstances, family needs or finances have prohibited us from being as generous as we would’ve liked to be, but usually we try to find a fun and slightly unusual way to make each other feel special.  As I considered Valentine’s Day this year, I went back and forth on a couple of options, but I finally settled on something that has been on my “bucket list” for several years now: a boudoir photo shoot.

 Now, before I go any farther, I recognize that there may be people reading who find this shocking or who may even disapprove.  After all, isn’t our culture already over-saturated by sex and immodesty?  Yes, but I believe it is quite different when people pridefully parade their naked bodies in public than when they privately, confidently and lovingly share their bodies with their spouse. (Which is why you won’t see any photos of me in lingerie on this blog post, although I would be happy to share them with my curious female friends privately).

The book of Song of Solomon (or Song of Songs) is comprised of poetry which praises the beauty and intimacy of King Solomon and his wife.  Here is just a small excerpt from that book:

Your hair is like royal tapestry; the king is held captive by its tresses.  How beautiful you are and how pleasing, o love, with your delights!  Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit.  I said, ‘ I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit.’  May your breasts be like the clusters of the vine, the fragrance of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine.” (Song of Solomon 7:7-9)

That’s pretty sexy and romantic stuff, yes?  The reason that I feel it’s important to frame sexuality and nudity in this context is because we are being taught conflicting principles from culture about sexuality.  If women are not encouraged to love their husbands boldly, fiercely, confidently, joyfully and that it’s okay to do this and still be a holy, godly wife, then where will we start learning how to minister to our husbands in a God-honoring way?  From Cosmo?  From Ariana Grande?  Kim Kardashian?  And how confusing are those messages when compared to God’s plan for sexuality?

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The reason that I was drawn to boudoir photography was primarily to bless my husband with sexy images that are perfectly fine for him to lust over and enjoy time and time again. I wanted to look tantalizing, but not sleazy.  I searched the web for a boudoir photographer in Raleigh who took tasteful photos while making her clients look like centerfolds.  I found one named Cari who had beautiful shots on her website and described herself as a “minivan mom of three children, and happily married for 30 years” with a ladies-only operation, who photographs women of all ages, shapes, sizes and walks of life.  (Her website showcased boudoir photography of women aged 20-60!)  She was precisely what I was looking for.

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I took the next few weeks selecting lingerie that I felt was most flattering to my figure and putting it together with the right hosiery, jewelry and shoes.  The package I purchased included photos in two different outfits, and some with a white sheet.  In the end I chose a navy blue bodysuit and a panty/bustier set–the very bustier that I wore under my wedding dress.

The day of the shoot I took my oldest child to school and then dropped my younger two off at one of those FANTASTIC drop-in childcare places, because my kids don’t go to preschool and are always with me, and mama wanted two hours to be a supermodel!  The studio space that my photographer owns is an old house in the center of downtown Durham, NC. Save for a couple of tufted couches and beds with pin-tucked duvet covers, the rooms are sparsely furnished but have windows on all sides to allow plenty of natural light.  Cari double-checked the lingerie that I brought and confirmed whether she thought it would photograph well and then she handed me a glass of champagne, and I sat down in front of a brightly lit mirror where a professional make-up artist spent an hour on my hair and make-up, transforming me from mom to vixen.

Now, I must pause here because I realize the above paragraph sounds very spoiled and self-indulgent.  The only other time in my life that I’ve put as much focus on hair, make-up and time in front of a camera was for my wedding.  But another reason I chose to do this now is because: a) I am finally finished having babies and my body is back to a size and shape that I like, and I want Bryan and myself to remember it this way, and b) in the last year I feel like my hormones have finally recovered from having children to the point that I feel sexy again and think about sex for reasons other than preserving my marriage or making babies, so I was in the right frame of mind to do this.

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My photographer Cari and my make-up artist Joanne were fantastic–we listened to Bruno Mars on Pandora and just chatted while Joanne did her magic, so by the time Cari pulled out her camera I felt like I was amongst girlfriends.  We shot all over the house and Cari coached me on poses, facial expressions, what to do with my hair–she made me feel very comfortable and we laughed throughout the next hour.  The following week I returned to see the 94 shots she had to show me, and to decide how many to purchase for the album.  Watching the slide show she prepared was very powerful–I couldn’t believe that some of the photos were actually photos of me!  Like most women, I work with what God has given me, and most of the time I’m pretty happy with my appearance.  But, every once in a while I don’t feel so pretty, and I wonder if Bryan still likes the way that I look.  He gets frustrated sometimes when he has to regularly assure me that he is still attracted to me and yes, of course, still thinks I’m beautiful.  But, again like many women, I don’t always believe him, and I’m overly critical of myself.

But what this boudoir experience really did for me was show me the way that Bryan already sees me, and it gave me more confidence and boldness in sharing myself with him, even if my body does look different after 10 years of marriage and three children.  It was not inexpensive, but it was an investment in my marriage and self-confidence that I think was worth every penny, and one that both Bryan and I will enjoy for the rest of our lives.  (And he knows all about the album now, but I will present it to him on Valentine’s Day–I can’t wait to see his face!)

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If you are considering investing in boudoir photography as a wedding gift, for Valentine’s Day, an anniversary, or other special occasion, I’ve included some helpful tips below:

-Find a photographer that suits your style, has multiple package options to fit your budget, and who makes you feel comfortable.

-Schedule a phone consultation with your photographer about two weeks in advance to ask questions, get lingerie and shoe recommendations, and to arrange the shoot.

-Decide what kind of product you’re looking for:  how many photos you would like; whether you’d like to turn these into a calendar, a quality photo album, or receive digital images to print as you prefer.

-Schedule an appointment for a pedicure, manicure, and possibly waxing.  Do this 2-5 days prior to your photo shoot.  (If you get bikini-waxing, leave at least two days between your appointment and the photo shoot to allow time for redness to subside.)

-Raid the lingerie that you received for your lingerie shower–if none of it works, it’ll still be fun to try it all on again and will give you a reason to clear out stuff that is too old or doesn’t fit.  Some websites that my photographer recommended for lingerie were:

 

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